


We Dreamed a Life

by last_of_her_kind



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Lack of Communication, M/M, Medical Inaccuracies, Memory Loss, Misunderstandings, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, author plays fast and loose with canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-14 10:34:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29665968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/last_of_her_kind/pseuds/last_of_her_kind
Summary: It hurt when Bucky woke up in the hospital and couldn't remember who Tony was.Didn't seem to want to know who Tony was.Couldn't recall the significance of the years they'd shared... or the ring on Tony's finger.But life always hurt, right? What else was new.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Tony Stark
Comments: 1
Kudos: 36





	We Dreamed a Life

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah. It's just me making my favorite characters hurt! :D  
> Fair warning, I've got no posting schedule. I write when I can.   
> I hope you enjoy!

Tony was well familiar with the feeling of being kicked when he was down. That happened when you had a father as distant as Howard, a well-padded bank account in a struggling economy, or were a public figure that if people didn’t love on any given day, they certainly loved to hate.

That wasn’t including his more recent ‘adventures’ since creating Iron Man and joining the Avengers. Coulson after Loki, Pepper after Extremis, the Accords after the split.

But at least Tony could fix some of those. Had spent days pouring over those pages of legal bullshit to bring the so-called Rogue Avengers home. Had reconciled with Steve and helped rid Bucky of the triggers buried in his brain and brought his family back.

He’d found something else along the way, too. Something he wasn’t expected. Not after Pepper, not after resigning himself to the thought that she had been it and there were no more chances for him. He’d found Bucky. Found him in a shared interest in mechanics, and a love of good coffee, and later in soothed nightmares and bad jokes. And he’d found James even later, with Bucky granting him the use of his first name after having lost it so long ago. And now it rolled off his tongue every time they fell into bed together or James brought him kisses and coffee.

Except…

Except the mission had gone bad, and James was a _supersoldier_ – he wasn’t supposed to be taken down like this. Tony wasn’t supposed to find him crumbled on the floor and bleeding from his head.

But he did. And Tony pulled them out of the mission and had James in medbay as fast as humanly possible, but there really wasn’t anything the doctors could do but wait for him to wake up.

Some hours after slouching in the bedside chair Steve popped in with two steaming beverages. He handed one to Tony and sagged into the chair beside him.

“Nothing yet?” He asked, assessing his best friend.

“Doc says he could wake up anytime, but that’s not exactly definitive.” Tony muttered. “He’s already healing up though. No issues there.”

Steve nodded. “I was worried when I saw him down there. I can’t remember the last time…”

“Steve?” James croaked, eyes struggling open. “Stevie?”

Steve and Tony shot to their feet, both moving forward.

Steve crowded up to him on the other side of the bed. “Hey, pal. Good to see those eyes open.”

Tony sagged in relief seeing those beautiful blue eyes open again. He reached out with his free hand to curl around James fingers, but as soon as he touched his skin James jerked away and wide eyes turned on him, as if he hadn’t realized Tony was in the room too.

Tony let his hand fall. “Hey handsome.”

James frowned at him. “Mm. What happened?” He asked.

Steve and Tony glanced at each other before Steve answered him. “We’re not entirely sure. But you got conked on the head pretty hard earlier and went down for the count. I’d almost be embarrassed for you.” Steve joked half-heartedly.

James almost smiled and Tony sagged with relief.

Until James turned back to Tony and spoke. “And why are you here? Are you my doctor?”

+-+-+-+-+

It didn’t get any easier after that.

James didn’t recognize him. Didn’t trust him. Didn’t want him in the same room when a doctor did come in to assess him. So Tony found himself pacing in the hallway as Steve comforted _his_ man and trying to convince himself this wasn’t the worlds biggest joke played on Tony Stark. Like the cosmic forces were laughing at him for even bothering to try again.

Steve and the doctor came out sometime before he managed to wear a hole in the floor, but as soon as Tony saw Steve’s face he knew that nothing good had been decided in that room.

“Tony.” He said, voice cracking. Steve shot the doc a look and he took the cue, clearing his throat and giving Tony the verdict.

“Mr. Stark, it appears that Mr. Barnes has suffered from a form of retrograde amnesia. He doesn’t appear to recall much or anything that has happened in the last three years.”

Tony frowned. “But he remembered Steve.” He blurted, then cringed. That wasn’t what he had wanted to say. Jesus, that sounded jealous and immature.

The doctors face was well-practiced compassion when he answered. “Memory is a tricky thing.”

Tony’s face scrunched up unpleasantly. He _knew m_ emory was a tricky thing. He had done stacks of research before he even attempted to use BARF, and then had spent months hooking it up to James’ _brain_ on a weekly basis. He didn’t appreciate the doc’s vague answers and standard compassion.

“He just remembers me because I’ve known him since we were kids. That’s all.” Steve said.

“Fine. Okay. So, what are you going to do to fix it?”

The doctor winced. “Mr. Stark, there is nothing we can do. It will just take time. More then likely he will recall all his memories eventually, but there is no standard rate at which memories return. They will probably trickle in over time, and that is perfectly normal.”

“And if he’s needs them back faster than that?”

“He has a documented and traumatic history with brain injury and memory loss. I’m afraid that triggering those memories would be overwhelming to a catastrophic degree. There’s no telling how he’ll react when years of memories are thrust upon him, and I think the best course of action for him is to take him home. Make him feel safe. And let him remember in his own time.” The doctor said firmly, his disapproving face tight and thin.

“Okay, doc.” Steve said, eyes catching Tony’s.

“Let him figure things out on his own.” The doc reiterated, then he proceeded to give Tony and Steve a handful of other instructions in his no-nonsense tone.

Steve nodded along to everything he said, memorizing the care instructions for his best friend.

But Tony… with every word the doctor said he just felt more numb.

Steve returned to James side, to help him get dressed to be discharged.

Tony stood outside, wringing his hands together as tightly as he could to stop himself from barging into there, from falling into James arms, from having to see that lack of recognition again. He knew the place James was at all too well. The lack of ability to trust that had been one of James defining traits four years ago. It was something they had overcome _together._

Tony’s fingers twisted together, his wedding band sliding against his fingers a constant reminder of what he’d just lost.

James wasn’t wearing his ring.

He always took it off before they went out on the field. Tony had protested, of course, at one time. He couldn’t _damage_ it. And even if he did, Tony would have just made him a better one. James never quite explained, but his ring went into a box with his wallet and the bracelet Natasha had made him one Christmas he liked to wear, and Tony suspected it was half a holdover from decades of missions where he was programmed to be unidentifiable, and perhaps some was his new sense of self couldn’t bear the thought of losing these markers that helped make him into the man he was now.

But what it meant was James wasn’t wearing his ring _now._ And the docs instructions were pretty damn clear, along with consequences that would come from more stress to his brain or shocks to his memory banks.

_James had to remember the pivotal moments of the last three years of his life on his own._

That was the kick.


End file.
